Restroom Etiquette

(HERE ARE 47 THINGS TO DO IN A public restroom)

  1. Comment: "Pooh, who did that?"

  2. Complement people on their shoes.

  3. Introduce yourself to the person next stall. Strike up a conversation.

  4. Provide "strenuous" sound-effects.

  5. Ask the person next stall if there's anything swimming in their bowl.

  6. Discuss the pros and cons of laxatives.

  7. Scream "Oh my God! What the hell is THAT?"

  8. Simulate a drug deal.

  9. Pretend to fall in (with appropriate sound effects).

  10. Roll Easter Eggs under the doors.

  11. Start a sing-along.

  12. Act schizophrenically.

  13. Knock on the doors of occupied stalls and ask if there is anyone in there. If so, ask if they are busy .....

  14. Masquerade as a door-to-door salesman.

  15. Ask loudly: "When does the movie start?"

  16. Write "nerdy" graffiti such as "Please wash your hands. Thank you."

  17. Kick in stall doors, camera in hand.

  18. Pour water over the stall door onto the occupant.

  19. Say"Oops ... missed" while syringing water around the bowl and under the walls and doors into other stalls.

  20. Rub chocolate on your hands, reach under the door and say: "Hey buddy. Got any toilet paper?" (Stolen from some book that i read ... I can't remember which one, though.)

  21. At night, switch off the lights.

  22. Create a crime scene complete with police tape and chalk silhouette.

  23. Collect a door charge.

  24. Ask: "Is there a doctor in the house?"

  25. Impersonate Elvis. Be convincing.

  26. Ask whether anyone can see your pet sewer rat/anaconda/gremlin.

  27. Write essay questions on the toilet paper so that the next occupant can see it.

  28. Put elephant glue over the toilet bowl.

  29. Offer refreshments.

  30. Replace rolls of toilet paper with rolls of sandpaper or today's newspaper.

  31. Run in, yelling: "Free Willy!"

  32. Electrify metal urinals.

  33. Leave a ladle in the toilet bowl.

  34. 3 words: SIAMESE FIGHTING FISH.

  35. Say out the recipe and instructions as you make a jelly in the bowl.

  36. Place a sign advertising "Driver's side airbags as standard".

  37. Remove stall doors.

  38. Glue seat and cover down to bowl.

  39. Place signs warning of 24-hour video surveillance.

  40. Make stall doors lockable anly from the OUTSIDE.

  41. Put itching powder on the toilet seats.

  42. Leave a fried egg floating in the bowl.

  43. Replace soap dispenser with mayonaise or Oil of Ulan.

  44. Completely soak the towel in the towel dispenser, or the paper towels if available.

  45. Place a sign asking users to put back the paper towels into the dispenser after use. (put only a few paper towel in the dispenser)

  46. Make kitty litter trays that fit into toilet bowls. Install.

  47. I wonder how many people read this.

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